Call Me Big Brother
by Animerulzs1267
Summary: Emil was just trying to get a good day, but instead he gets a wild and confusing day. From Lukas wanting him to admit he is his brother, to Lukas hiring Elizabeta and Kiku to follow him on Emil's date with Leon, to even the point of having hints of the words 'call me big brother' were insane! And will Tino, Berwald and Mathias stop it on time? Rated T, HonIce, please enjoy!


**A NorIce fanfic…NEVER MADE ONE, BUT I'MMA MAKE IT LOTS OF CRACK AND HOPEFULLY MAKE IT INTERESTING! I got the idea of Norway just pissing his brother off with all the weird stuff about saying 'big bro' so I thought a one-shot was in order! So please enjoy this one named…! **

_Call Me Big Brother_

"Say it..."

"No,"

"Say it."

"No!"

"Emil, will you please say it just this once?"

Across the table Emil glanced at his supposedly 'big brother' and, like many of his failed attempts, ignored his question. He wanted to have breakfast and just enjoy the day that was to come but instead he received an annoying conversation with his 'big brother'. Emil thought as they stared into one another's eyes that the idea of him saying those two words (which may never happen, no matter what evidence you present—IT'S NOT GONNA WORK) was over.

Apparently, this was about to go on for...a day, maybe more.

Everything was silent between the two, Lukas buttering his bread and Emil drinking his cup of milk.

"Emil?" asked Lukas, buttering his bread.

"What?" Emil groaned. He took a sip of his morning milk and waited for Lukas' answer.

Lukas blinked. "Say it."

"WILL YOU GIVE UP?" Emil shouted, got up aggressively and stormed out the kitchen. He passed Tino who looked worried about him but Emil disregarded him completely.

Tino pointed at Emil with a confused expression to Lukas who was continuously sulking mindlessly to himself. Emil, furious and huffing to himself, raced into his room and decided to get ready for his date with his boyfriend, Leon. They were going to the movies and, without Lukas' knowledge, were going back to his place which would be empty and they could do whatever they wanted. As he thought what he should wear, he heard a knock on the door. He expected it from Lukas and ignored it. But when he did so he heard another knock. And another... it soon became a repeated sound that ticked Emil off.

Emil dashed to the door and bellowed angrily, "WILL YOU STOP IT, LUKAS?" To realize it was Berwald who was, although he couldn't express it, confused. "Oh...sorry. What is it?"

"Lukas," he said. "He's sad."

"I know, but I can't deal with him, I have to get ready. Just tell him that I'll never say those words, all right?" Emil closed the door and sigh a stressful sigh. Was Emil getting himself paranoid? He liked to think not. And hopefully a date with Leon would ease himself to feel less anxious.

* * *

><p>"Lukas, are you okay?" Mathias asked the Norwegian man who was lying on the touch pathetically to himself, blindly watching TV of some dumb soap opera.<p>

"Go away…" he mumbled dreadfully, staring blankly on the screen.

Mathias became worried. Usually Lukas would say, 'Go away, idiot' at him but today was different. He couldn't bear seeing him in distress. But what could he do instead of standing near the family couch and stare at the Norwegian man sulking terribly to himself? Mathias needed a plan, which will involve everyone in the household to make one up if this whole 'Emil-won't-say-Lukas-is-his-big-brother' situation.

Dashing out of the living room and encountering Berwald and Tino who were washing dishes after their breakfast, he told them that they needed a grown up meeting.

"A grown up meeting?" Tino queried puzzlingly, putting his washing cloth beside him.

"We need to figure out how to make Emil admit that Lukas is his bro!" Mathias declared and took a seat by the kitchen table.

Tino went to his seat across the table and sat down, followed by Berwald who sat beside him.

"But how are we going to do that?" Tino asked, arms folded and face bewildered with empty ideas. He seemed open for suggestions.

"Okay, remember Emil saying that he was going to go on his date with that Asian guy—Yao?"

"No, it's Leon," Berwald grumbled tiredly.

"Whatever, anyway!" he said with a face of eagerness. "I say that we put up signs around the town while the two of them are on their date! Emil will start to realize he has (brotherly) feelings for Lukas and he'll finally say those magic words!" Mathias crossed his leg left leg, folded his arms and triumphantly yet smugly lifted his head.

Tino raised a hand and asked, "Question?"

"You may ask, student!" he said bogusly.

"How are we going to put up signs in the town when we don't know where they are?" he asked. "And if I can ask: how will we be able to make signs and put them around the town? We might not have enough time."

"Tino is right." Berwald said with a very rare smile to him.

Mathias sat up straight and his eyebrows furrowed together. "You're just saying that 'cause he's your wife!" Mathias accused him rationally.

"Yes," Berwald replied calmly, "and the fact that your ideas never work, it is wise to side with Tino."

"Guys, we shouldn't fight about whose right or wrong," Tino said nervously, he could smell the tensions between the two men growing wild. "If this is a family discussion about Emil and Lukas, then we should think it out a little more. I suggest that when Emil comes home, we'll gather around the table and talk like a _real family_. Can we agree to that?"

Berwald and Mathias stared into Tino's serious eyes that were, for once, _scary_. Not that neither ever considered him ever being intimidating it was just his seriousness about the family was a kind gesture.

Mathias nodded and said, "I agree, Tino." Berwald did the same and took Tino's hand to hold.

Tino smiled. "We should tell Lukas about the idea. He might be happy to know that we care for him."

Mathias and Berwald agreed to the idea and the family meeting was adjourned. Unbeknownst to any of them, Lukas was no longer in the house.

* * *

><p>When Lukas watched Emil and Leon going out of the cinema together, he noticed they were holding hands and smiling to one another. Lukas scrunched up his face at the sight. He knew well enough that man was going to try something funny, and Lukas wouldn't like. Hiding in the bush was a skeptically bizarre idea, but hiding in a bush with Elizabeta and Kiku who oddly had cameras in hand and drool drooling out their mouths was another.<p>

"Lukas," Elizabeta said hungrily, "why didn't you invite us to your brother's dates more often?"

Lukas made no reply. He was too focused on Leon trying to intertwine Emil's fingers in their hands.

"Sugoi desu ne, Lukas-san?" Kiku said as he prepared to take a picture.

"No pictures," Lukas snapped at him.

Both yaoi lovers looked shocked and hurt from his command. Nonetheless, Lukas wanted nothing to do with their weird fetish of following people on dates.

"But Lukas!" cried Elizabeta, performing a convincing tone of despair.

"No, we need to just follow them and get Emil to say big brother to me." He said matter-of-factly.

Kiku asked, "How?"

"Simple," he said. "We're going to make it the worst date of their lives."

"Ah, like Timon and Pumba from _Lion King_ _One and A Half_, eh?" Elizabeta's eyes of fantasies began their mischievous glow. "Don't worry; leave it to us to make one perfectly good pairing a disaster. Let's head out." And the three of them got out of the bushes and raced off, granting a few bewildered looks as they followed Emil and his date from a good distance.

* * *

><p>"Something wrong, Emil?" Leon asked.<p>

Emil wanted to say nothing was wrong but he had a strange feeling that he was being watched. Constantly he looked behind and nobody was there. But he just couldn't shake the feeling off.

Emil did his best to smile, "Nothing, Leon. You wanna go to that café you heard about?"

Leon nodded. "Totally. I heard it has so many types of cakes and stuff. It's not far from here, just around the corner."

The two sweethearts passed the corner to the right and saw the cute styled café Leon was talking about. Emil and Leon went inside and had reservations to sit outside since weather forecast an unlikely chance of rain. It was a cool morning and it was, in fact, a nice day.

The waiter came by and gave them their menus...or was it a waiter who looked like a girl with a mustache?

"And what will you order on such a fine day?" the man/woman asked in a ridiculous French accent.

Emil shook his head toward the voice and saw Elizabeta with her hair down, in a black-and-white waiter outfit and a busy black mustache.

"Elizabeta?" Emil gawked in stupefaction.

"Who is this Elizabeta that you speak of?" she asked, sounding confused. "I am CARLOS and I shall take your sample-I mean order." Her eyes apprehensively scanned the area.

"Do you have any specials?" Leon said. Was he neglectful of Elizabeta's terrible disguise?

"Ah, in fact we do!" she replied and stroked her breadless chin. "We have a cake called 'call me big brother' which is a must have and a nice drink to go with it! It's also called 'call me big brother' and has the _best _flavor of brotherly love."

"We don't want that-"

"I like to try it," Leon interrupted Emil.

"Okay, but I have to ask are you related to Lukas? I must only give it to someone who is..." she looked at her notepad in hand and stabbed each point with her lead. "Silver hair, likes licorice, is from Iceland-"

"Please, just stop..." Emil moaned and covered his face with his hands.

"But did I forget we are having special requests on music today? It happens to be called 'Call Me Big Brother' and I heard it's at the top 60 Music...things of Today."

"You made that up." Emil said.

Elizabeta/Carlos stuck his tongue at him and wrote down their orders. "I'll say you want licorice cake and for Leon he'll have the 'Call Me Big Brother' cake."

_This was getting ridiculous_, thought Emil miserably. _What else was he going to do?_

_"Don't worry, Lukas isn't singing that song—Kiku is." She said as a friendly reminder to him and strolled off into the kitchen. How was no one confused about her wearing a man's waiter outfit? _

Wait a minute, Emil thought for a minute. Did she just say that Kiku was going to be singing that strange song that they might have had ten minutes worth of care in it? God, and if that were true, they would need a soundtrack of it…

Leon noticed Emil was sweating beads of sweat on his forehead and, oddly enough, he poked his flushed pink cheeks, concerned.

"Like, is something wrong?" Emil shot up a look notice at his boyfriend who furrowed his eyebrows together. He was surprised Leon was asking him, but then again with his constant sweating and shivering body it was obvious Emil was in distraught.

"I-I'm fine, Leon," he said. "No need to worry about me."

"Idiot, you are totally worth worrying about," Emil blushed slightly from the comment. It was rather touching Leon cared about him.

"I don't wanna ruin this date, it's just that Lukas wants me to admit he's my...b-word."

"Uh...you mean-"

"Not _**that **_b-word," he established deliberately.

"Totally, you mean...brother, right?"

Emil nodded. Thankfully his boyfriend was generous enough to understand his dilemma of his dysfunctional family. Apart from Elizabeta just being her strange self and Lukas apparently using Kiku and her to make Emil say those two words, Emil only focused on Leon who stared into his eyes just like he was doing. He felt like giving him a kiss now.

But, despite the romantic tensions being displayed physically with eye contact (they could telepathically tell what one of them wanted), a song was played inside the café. Emil ignored the lines but his ears were sinking in the lyrics...

_I know this really cool guy_

_He makes me totally shy_

_I fall for him every day_

_Please call me big brother!_

Emil felt his left eyebrow twitching, a distasteful smile forming.

_I'll give you licorice_

_With coffee and butter_

_They are so delish_

_Please call me big brother!_

Elizabeta came by their table, a wooden plate of one licorice cake and a 'Call Me Big Brother' cake (which was just a chocolate cake) and left. Emil swore he saw her giving off a little smirk when she left.

He had enough and decided to go inside the café, but a well-meaning hand took hold of his when he stood up.

"I suggest you go and tell him those words," Leon advised him. He reassuringly smiled to him. "He means well." Leon released Emil's hand and all Emil had done was stare into his boyfriend's eyes. He watched his eyes closely and realized the affectionate shine in them meant he wanted Emil to reconcile with Lukas.

It got him thinking: all the stuff that Lukas was doing, from trying to make him say 'big brother' to later following him on his date, these were the common things which a big brother would do. Well, the following part may be a tad overrated. Either way he needed to end this war—it was essential, he needed a break!—if he wanted to have a better relationship with Lukas.

Emil gave a squeeze for Leon and left to go inside the café. Entering the entrance he saw Kiku rocking in the jazz corner, and groups of people standing around were clapping and cheering encores for Kiku to sing more. Kiku was enjoying the popularity. But that wasn't what made Emil feel guilty when he step in, he saw far down the corner at the end of the café Lukas—drinking a cup of black strong coffee and snacking on some butter cookies like a dispirited fellow after a bad day.

The young Icelandic boy walked on, excusing some people who blocked his way due to Kiku's popular singing concert and, with a nervous cough for attention, Emil saw Lukas shot up his face up and saw him. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

Emil took a seat in front of him. Why was there a strange lump blocking his throat? Was it hard to speak to him?

"Hey..." he greeted him.

Lukas nodded in response.

Emil brought his hands together and twiddled his thumbs, a sure sign of nervousness. "So... About the double big thing..."

Lukas stared dead straight in the eye and said, "I know what you're gonna say. You don't have to-"

"I'm sorry about what I've done," he interrupted him. Lukas, though older, kept his mouth shut. Emil continued, "I know that you mean well, and I respect that as a related person. But can we talk about what you're doing now? Bringing Elizabeta and Kiku into this? That's weird..."

Lukas tensed somewhat at the word 'weird'.

Emil smiled. "But it's actually sweet you cared about me."

Hearing the kind words being spoke out of his lips it felt much calmer and truthful than he thought. Emil would always be honest with Lukas, and that was a promise.

"And...I wanna say," he hesitated for a moment and glanced down at the empty plate once filled with butter cookies.

"Go on..."

"I wanna say...I'm sorry...big brother." he muttered those last words shyly and glanced away. But to Lukas' expression, Emil knew full well he was about to not only have a melt-down, but two streams of tears that would later emerge. And, to Emil's surprise, it also granted a smile on Lukas' face. He figured out that Lukas looked great when he smiled.

* * *

><p>Tino couldn't keep his tears of happiness at the scene. Berwald was shocked for words and Mathias, well, he was the happiest man (besides Lukas) ever today. They watched the moment from afar, not wanting to ruin the moment. It was a nice change between them, Mathias thought. Nothing could make him any happier.<p>

Just then, Elizabeta, who discarded her moustache, came by and asked with a sneaky smile, "So are you guys gonna celebrate with beer?"

Mathias face turned in awe-strikingly and it brightened. "Oh, hell yeah! HEY, LUKAS AND EMIL! WE'RE HAVING BEER!" He was flaring his arms like a madman to get the brother's attention.

After Mathias raced off to get them, Berwald scooted his chair closer to Tino who hugged him. "I swear, we are a weird family."

"Yeah, but we're a good family."

Berwald smiled in Tino's soft blond hair. He was right, they were a good family.


End file.
